


Loyalty

by HopelessHeartless



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Brotherly Love, F/M, Jealousy, Longing, Secret Crush, Slight Divergence, Spoilers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21655030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopelessHeartless/pseuds/HopelessHeartless
Summary: He's in love with his brother's wife, and he always will be.
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, Choi Saeran/Main Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 119





	Loyalty

Saeyoung fell in love only once. The fortress he’d raised up around his heart had held steadfast against her assaults, but he, always the fool, had simply opened the gates for her. He'd never wanted to keep her out, not for a moment.

Each day, he welcomed her deeper into the hollow of his chest, showed her new pieces of himself and prayed that she might take them in her hands and cherish them the way he cherished all of her. It was for nothing; her heart belonged to someone else. She was wed, in fact, to the one person he could least betray. Until his last breath, Saeyoung knew, he would silently pine for his own brother’s wife.

Through his bedroom window, Saeyoung watched the Orionids draw thin lines across the night sky. He held his breath, wishing on each and every bright streak that he would disappear, that he would forget he’d ever loved her. When he heard the soft jostling of a bed just beyond the wall, Saeyoung held his head in his hands and wept.

 _He looks like me,_ he thought. _Maybe, if only for a moment…_

He closed his eyes and indulged in the memory of a sunlit garden, the first time the two of them had been alone together.

“My brother really likes you,” he’d told her. “I’m happy he’s found someone like you to spend time with.”

“I like him, too,” she’d replied with a warm, honey-sweet smile. “I think, perhaps, as more than a friend.”

“That’s great news,” he’d lied. “I’m happy.”

Saeyoung rewound the memory in his mind and stepped into it once more.

“My brother really likes you,” he said, just as before. “And I think that’s why I’ve fallen in love with you.” Saeyoung reached out into the dark and imagined taking her hands in his. “I’ve prayed all my life for someone like you, someone truly kind and loving who could rekindle the brightness in both of us.” Hand resting against her blushing cheek, dream Saeyoung leaned forward and kissed her, deeply.

In reality, Saeyoung shivered in the darkness. He pressed a hand to the wall, knowing that she was wrapped naked in Saeran’s arms.

“I love you,” he whispered to her. “I hope he loves you, too.”

-

Saeyoung rose early the next morning to fix breakfast, a sort of secret atonement for his jealous thoughts.

“Good morning, sunshines,” he sang with great effort. “I hope you slept well.”

“Beautifully,” she said, giving Saeran a gentle squeeze around the middle. His brother chuckled knowingly, and Saeyoung winced at the small wink he gave.

“Great,” he said as he choked down tears. “French toast is up for grabs.”

Saeyoung ate little. He could stomach neither the sickly sweet syrup nor the affectionate kisses she peppered about his brother’s face. Did he _know_ how lucky he was to have her? Did he understand the obligation he was under to keep her safe and cherish her?

Saeyoung did. Saeyoung would cherish and protect her all his life, even if she could not love him in return.

“Hyung, the walls here must be thin,” said Saeran over a second helping. “I could hear you snoring all night.”

Saeyoung simply nodded, grateful that the two of them had, at the very least, done their best to keep their lovemaking quiet.

-

That evening, he was alone with her again. He tried his best not to notice the silhouette of her profile against the flickering of the television screen, the way her eyes followed the motion of the film with rapt engagement, the way her breath caught with every leap and swing of the daring action hero. Did his twin notice these same subtle details? Did he think them as perfectly lovely? Saeyoung assumed he must, that Saeran would be as devastated if she had belonged to him instead.

After a half hour or so, she paused the movie and stood.

“I’m gonna grab popcorn. You want anything, Sev?”

_Your love. Your touch. The chance to make you happy. To hear my real name on your lips._

“Nah, I’m good.”

As she shuffled a pot noisily over the stove, Saeyoung checked his watch. Saeran would return from therapy in 45 minutes or so, and he would once again be free from the temptation to confess. He knew better than anyone how truly evil it would be for him to take his brother’s greatest love away. Never again would he betray Saeran, especially in such a cold and callous way. Sometimes, he believed it would have been better if Saeran had succeeded in killing him long ago.

By the time she returned, her usual pep had faded into an unsettling melancholy. Saeyoung immediately leapt to his feet.

“What’s wrong, are you hurt? I should have warned you, that stove has burned me a fair few times.” He fought the instinct to take her hands and check her fingers for red marks.

“Saeran’s going out with Zen after his appointment,” she said with a tiny, forced smile.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m really glad he’s getting out and making friends, especially with the others in the RFA, but…”

“You miss him. It’s okay. I used to struggle with him going out on dates with you, believe it or not.” _Oh, if only she knew._ She smiled, genuinely this time.

“Thanks. I really appreciate you, you know that?”

“I try my best,” he said, armoring himself with his trademark charm. She laughed.

“No, really,” she said, and she wrapped her arms around him in a tight, warm hug. Saeyoung held his breath, suddenly drowned in her affection. “I love you, Seven.”

 _God_ , how his heart had longed for those words. With just a few changes here and there, they might have been perfect, but as it was they made him ache and wince.

“Back at you, sweetheart. Back at you.”

Had he never reunited with Saeran, she might love him now. He’d never had a choice, of course—Saeran was his twin, his other half. Forgetting everything he’d worked for and giving up on his brother was never an option. Still, Saeyoung knew that fulfilling his promise to Saeran had forever closed the one door he might have allowed himself to open.

-

When his brother returned, Saeyoung saw her eyes dance alive as if lit by a burning match in the darkness. With a leaden heart, he watched her drift happily into Saeran’s arms, her expression the very picture of relief.

“Did he take care of you?” Saeran joked. She nodded and kissed his forehead.

“Always does,” she told him, her hand brushing at his jacket as if to clear him of emotional dust and debris. “He’s a great brother.”

“If you say so,” Saeran said with a chuckle and a subtle roll of his eyes. It was dismissive, but sweet; Saeyoung knew it to be genuine when his brother smiled just a moment longer than usual.

-

It was the nature of twins, Saeyoung often thought, that their hearts should beat for the same woman. Did Saeran know? Could he feel his pain when she sat too near, smiled too brightly? It was all Saeyoung could do to prove that he meant no harm to their marriage, that he would never interfere, no matter how his heart might ache.

Someday, perhaps, he would find someone whose affections would be enough to distract him from his loneliness. Even then, he would close his eyes and wonder: _why must the price of loyalty be so high?_


End file.
